EMERGENCY

I was recently informed by long-time informer and current blog Illustrator Tom Krier, that Michael Vick's house is soon going up for auction, and as he said "We must buy it so we can give it back to him." TK relayed to me that the auction is scheduled for March 2nd (Exactly one month after groundhog's day), and the asking price for the house is 3.2 million dollars. My friends, that is a STEAL. This house contains an indoor science lab, Computer lab, Library, Cafeteria, and Tatoo Parlor. This house MUST be returned to its rightful owner, Mr. Vick. It is our duty as Americans to help Mr. Vick get situated and comfortable in his old home, after a tumultous jail stint. As we all know, Mr. Vick was made an example of by the Court, and was given an ungodly long prison sentence for no apparent reason. We owe it to him to raise enough money so that we can return the house to him.

Our first step is to empty all of the blog follower's savings account into one large "Help Michael get acclimated with the Outside World again" fund. After doing some thinking though, our blog currently only has one follower, Doyle. So Doyle, we need you to steal from your parents and grandparents again, and raise as much cash as you possibly can. Hopefully something in the neighborhood of 500 Grand.

Next, we of course need a fundraiser, or as I like to call it, a FUN-raiser!!! I'd suggest a car wash, but to be honest I don't know nearly enough attractive women for this to be successful. However, I know A TON of hott guyz. So, Hott Guyz Inc. Led of course by the Heartthrob Michael Maritato has offered to volunteer its services for the good cause. If this is anything like their Pro-Choice fundraiser, than we are looking at an easy million dollars. So, with the car wash, and Doyle's larceny and embezzling, we are looking at an easy 1.5 million. Not bad, but we are still only half way there.

Phase 3 of this operation is to steal all of Matt Ryan's cars. Why Matt Ryan? because that asshole has made everyone in Atlanta forget about Michael Vick. Why couldn't he have been like Joey Harrington or Chris Redman, and made Falcon fans long for the days of Vick. This blue-blooded bastard came into the league, and made a name for himself. Total asshole. Luckily for us, my famous name has allowed me to become friends with Nicolas Cage, Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Tyrese, Ja Rule, Ludacris, Bow wow, and Wade Josiah. All have expertise in cars and stealing cars, with the exception of Wade (juries out right now, as he focuses most of his time perfecting his R&B career). Now, I have no idea how many cars Matt Ryan owns, but He's a young athlete, so gun to my head I'd say 25. Now, if we get face value for these cars, thats another million, maybe 1.5 mill. We'll say 1 for now, and that leaves us with 2.5 million.

The final phase of this operation is to have a bake sale. A bake sale to raise 700,000$ are you nuts? Nope, People are suckers for sweets, especially if the money goes to a good cause. Also, a majority of Bake Sale customers are old folks, and old folks are the main supporters of Michael Vick. They loved the excitement he brought to the football field and the ring, and treat him like their own Grandson. And as you all know, Grandparents excell at spoiling their Grandkids. If we say that the profits from the brownie they are about to buy is going directly into a "Help Michael get acclimated with the outside world again" account, they will pay upwards of 5,000$ for it. We just need to find a girl to make Brownies for us.

Once we have enough money to Buy the house, we hold a big suprise party for Michael. Since I devised the 4 phases, I think its only fair that I get the honor of covering his eyes on the way up to his new, or should I say old lol, house. Then on the count of three, everyone says "Michael You're my hero, I'm so proud of you for toughing it out in jail for an unruly sentence that nobody deserved but since you are celebrity and PETA made a huge deal about it because they are enormous assholes the Court system caved under their pressure and punished you instead of addressing the problem. I'm so happy to see you on the outside world again, Smiling, giggling, and enjoying life, SURPRISE!"

And we all celebrate. Except Robby