Asians

Gilleryandabsalert.blogspot.com is an equal opportunity employer, but we do find asians to be the funniest of all races.  Now i don't have nearly enough time to tell you why asians are the funniest race, but lets just say mostly its because they play sports in a goofy manner.  Don't believe me, ask Bidwell what happened when he tried to play quarterback during a Mitch Murphy game.  Well his hands were too small, and Fisher yanked him early, despite an impressive string of completions.  On Tuesday night I had the good fortune of officiating an intramural basketball between a stellar all white team, and by far the funniest team of all asians I've ever seen in my life.  Now some Asians make for fine basketball players, such as Yao Ming, but Yao Ming also stand 7'6'' so I'm not sure if its his asian genes or height that makes him a formidable low post presence.  I'd say the ladder, but that's just me.  Anyways, these asians did not speak a lick of English, but that did not stop them from getting in my ear about blown calls.  Normally, when a player pleads to an official about missing a call, the official gets fed up with their bickering and either gives them a technical to shut them up, or change their calls to shut them up.  Me on the other hand, I could not get enough of their asian blabbering!  I thought it was the funniest thing in the world.  Getting yelled at by an awful asian basketball player in Japanese/Chinese/Korean is one of the funniest things in the world.  Don't believe me?  Try it.  I started intentionally calling ticky-tack touch fouls on the asian squad just so that they would become irate and yell it me.  I couldn't control my laughter either, it was too much.  The other team was loving it as well, and I always do my best as an official to hit it off with one team.  The best thing about intramural games are that after you call a foul on a player, you must get their name so that you can report the foul to the scorer's table.  Needless to say, I had a tough time reporting most of the names to the table, and the guy working the table just started randomly assigning to fouls to whomever he pleased.  Was it fair?  Maybe, but lets just the asian who wore a Gilbert Arenas Jersey fouled out early in the second half.  His real name was not Hibachi unfortunately, but it did contain numerous vowels and L's, and possibly a few X's, I'm not really sure, they all look the same (the names, not the asians).

On a lighter note, I realized that I am either fat or pregnant.  Now, I don't have to remind you readers about my Abs.  They are immortalized in the name of this website (Abs-alert, as in be very aware of the definition and protuberances that is my abdominal).  Recently, at the gym, where I spent a majority of my week, I did a few core exercises with Dan (Tom Brady) since his shoulder injury prevents him from the heavy lifting that I normally due.  I entertained Dan by pretending I didn't know of any good Abs exercises (I know plenty, all from my Ab coach Melvin Drakeford).  So I tried some of his routines, and lets just say I cramped up like a muscular Georgia Tech basketball player playing at Cameron Indoor for his first time.  I curled up into a little ball on my nice green yoga mat, and did not move for an extended period of time.  It was too painful to raise my hands over my head like I normally due when I get cramps from running.  This was strange, I was pretty sure I was in labor.  Once the pain ceased, I realized that I would not being giving birth to a beautiful baby anytime soon, and that I was actually out of shape.  I had a hard time believing this at first, but then I realized that over the last 2 months, I've drank more beers than I have done crunches.  Normally I like to keep the ratio 2 crunches to every 1 Keystone, but I don't have time to due 60 crunches a day.  Anyways, in honor of lent, I have vowed to get my ratio back to the healthy 2 : 1 proportion that it should be.