What it's like to be famous

What it’s like to be famous

             A lot of people having been inquiring lately about what it’s like to be a highly famous distinguished author?  The answer is that it’s exactly like your life, exact completely different in many aspects.  First, I can’t go anywhere without people wanting an autograph.  Its outrageous, every time I take my kids to Chuckie Cheese’s, some asshole fourth graders interrupts my ball pit experience, and demands that I pose for a picture with him, and sign his jersey because his girlfriend is a big fan of me.  I told that asshole to get a life, and I went right back to destroying my 3 year old mixed raced baby in a game full contact basketball.  I knocked his tooth out with an errant elbow, but he just spit the tooth out, and went right back to playing his pesky defense.  It was great to see.  Another thing about being famous is that is crazy is that I get to attend all types of celebrity events.  Recently I attended Ashton Kutcher’s 3^rd annual Driving for Cancer golf tournament.  I mistakenly talked to Kyle Korver for a good 10 minutes, thinking he was Kutcher, it was so embarrassing!!!  Anyways, my foursome was me, Matt Damon, Chris Tucker, and Chris Paul.  It was a scramble tournament, and as you know, I’m weak off the tee, but my long irons and short game are where I make my money.   Tucker was bombing the ball off the tee, and drinking vodka on the rocks like it was his birthday, incidentally it was his birthday, and I forgot to get him a gift, so it was awkward for a little bit but he got over.  We were -4 after 9 holes, and we stopped at the turn to get another expensive beverages.  I bought the guys a round of Keystones, Damon shotgunned his, Chris Paul refused at first, but gave in, and Tucker stuck to his vodka.  By the 14^th hole, our foursome was hammered.  Tucker drove the cart into a lake, and without Jackie Chan to bail him out, I jumped in, and pulled us ashore.  This caused a very loud celebration from the onlookers, and I became even more famous, if that’s even possible.  Anyways we ended up finishing 1^st in the scramble, but no one in our group cured cancer, so I considered it a loss.