Anyway i really want to tell everyone how myself and Jimmy Abbott attained a perfect undefeated record in Blessed Sacrament Athletics Club (more lovingly known as B.S.A.C or B-SAC) middle school girls basketball. We subbed in for the legendary (see: legendary) coach Rich Abbott, or as I like to call him "Duke", more on Duke at a later date. So all I really remember is Jimmy asked me if I wanted to help coach and i was like, oh indeed. We walked in with confidence and it really rubbed off on the girls, they were running their fav play "pickle" to perfection. With a inside tip from our guys in Vegas, we learned a 2-1-2 zone would be perfect defense to stop 11 year old girls from scoring, now Im not hating on young girls jumper's but did the defense really matter? Anyway at half time me and Jimmy had a decent sized lead so the girls come to the bench patiently waiting for what their substitute coaches had to say. When we realized we had no idea what to say I hollered "Who wants to have some fun!" and Jimmy quoted our classic JV basketball coach/Santa Claus look a like Mike Christman, "Lets shoot!" so after talking some shit to the other team, hitting Sam Larsons little sister with the mouthwash a few times, I drank some water and settled in for the 2nd half.
As our beat down continued, the other team's coach who, suprise suprise, was a balding middle aged man whom was acting like he had money on the game, came over and informed my P.I.C. (partner in crime) that starters aren't allowed to play with the 2nd teamers and slapped him on the knee. First of all, we had 9 kids on our team, now I'm not a math major but you have to put 5 people in a game, leaving 4 girls on our bench. I suppose he wanted us to play 5 on 4 ? what a dirt ball. I leaned over to Jimmy and mentioned that guy was a hater. We wanted to full court press after the hater incident but our referees Mike Licata and Joe Mogavero informed us we werent allowed to in this league. For the record we dont know Mike or Joe and have never associated with either of them, so don't think we were getting all the calls. The 2nd half seemed to drag on so i decided to make a little small talk with some of my players. One of the girls informed me her real name was Bob and shes from Alaska. I told her good one but you cant bullshit a bullshitter now go get me my beer of choice, she obliged, I made a mental note she'd make a great wife if she wasn't 5 years younger then me and likely friends with Renee.
Soon after the game ended me and Jimbo got dumped with Gatorade and Erin Andrews interviewed us. She gave us some boring crap about how the team played great together and were having fun out there. She then noted the 3 of us would play great together to, with a wink. I looked at her and said thanks Erin but we don't need any more guards on our Gus Macker team. We were then were carried off the court and I just finally got the smell of the BSAC gym out of my clothes.
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