Red Stones

       As you know, I pride myself on being Keystone's biggest fan.  With that being said, I've been living a lie for my entire life.  How can I be their biggest fan if i've only dabbled with Keystone Ice, and NEVER EVEN TRIED A RED KEYSTONE.  Well, I decided I needed to change this, so I made my goal for the entire week to have my first red keystone.  Well, Friday the 13th (so scary, just kidding nothing reminiscent to a horror movie occurred that day) I had my first red one.  After my first sip, my initial thought and words were "Tastes Canadian."  Now I'm sure what that meant.  I'm not a beer connoisseur by any means, and I don't even know how Canadian Beers taste, but that was the first thing that crossed my mind.  Was it a good sign? I don't know, I'm very indifferent towards Canada since they provide me affordable baseball, dynamite field trips, and The Killers, but they are a very goofy country with far too many asians.  Now if the Bills move to Toronto (heaven forbid) I will despise Canada with all my heart, unless of course the Blue Jays sign Griffey (Heaven forbid), and I am forced to love them.   After more sips, I realized something.  I was full.  Now I'm not saying Keystone Lights are watered down by any means, but you can have 43 of them and still polish off a Joey Combo from Moe's (Not Damour's).  This was upsetting since I knew I would be eating pizza later, and presumably a lot of it.  So far, I was disappointed with the Red Stones, maybe since my expectations were higher than (insert celebrity caught smoking weed recently, i.e. Michael Phelps, Josh Howard, Stuart Scott, just kidding) but I was wishing I had my bread and butter Lights with me.  

Just when I thought the Red Stones were worse than Carlos Mencia, I had a Eureka moment.  The Cans are beautiful!!! Granted they lacked Unsmooth Moments, mine in particular, but the Red and Silver provided a great Contrast, and the Keystone Font is the Prettiest thing in Print these days.  I realized I could emulate Jon's genius idea of using a Keystone Light can as his toothbrush holder, while not totally copying him, and most importantly get rid of my Miller Highlife toothbrush holder.

All in all, I would give the red Keystones a B- as their grade.  I would recommend them to anyone who is starving, or in need of a low cost toothbrush companion.  I cannot ever see myself starring at a Blue Stone and a Red Stone and choosing the Red one in the near future, but my Brand Loyalty is very strong, so i may be a poor example.  

On a lighter note, On Noon Saturday March 7th 2009, #1 Uconn plays at Pitt.  If anyone wants to drive to Pittsburgh friday, stay the night, go to the game for under 30$, they are more than welcome.  Under 1 condition, they drive me home following the game.  Now I know what you're thinking "Jim, you sand baggin' son of a bitch, you're using me for a ride back to Buffalo."  To which i reply "Yeah dude, I sure as hell can't take another Greyhound, especially after the midget debacle that occurred a month ago."  So the offer is on the table, a fun Friday night in the Queen City (Pittsburgh), a fun-filled sleep over, we can stay up super late, and wait till Jon falls asleep and tickle him with a feather or whatever crazy stuff Hollywood pushes on us, wake up around 10am, have a lovely breakfast at the Perch, and go see two top 5 teams play their last regular season game.  Incidentally, it's senior night, or should i say senior afternoon lol, and who doesn't want to see that chubby bastard Levance Fields walk out with folks for his last home game?  Following the game, I recommend we grab a quick bite to eat, then play our favorite Sisqo and Nickelback CD's and have a fun 3 1/2 hour ride back to the Queen City (Buffalo)  Let me know if you are interested, my number is 716-597-8870.  Just kidding, that's Robby's number.  But he has my number, so just call him, and he'll give you my number.

Love Always,

James Serena Abbott