I usually don't do this

Normally, Jim Abbott doesn't respond to threats, but today I'm going to make an exception.  Gillery picked the wrong time to question my heart with an ultimatum.  I have not blogged in over 2 months it feels like, and it probably has been exactly 2 months since I have been estimating great lately.  Anyways, For Gillery to come at me when I'm down and out, (I just had my wisdom teeth pulled and I haven't had a real meal in 3 days) is unfair.  I know what you all are thinking, "Your fat ass could use a few days of a liquid diet!"  To which I respond with "My abs were recently showing signs of improvement and I was makes strides the all natural way and didn't need an artificial eating disorder to get my washboard back." 

Anyways it has been so long since I delivered my Hemingway-esque pros on this medium that I almost forgot where to start.  Oh that's right, I'M THE KING OF TENNIS AGAIN!!! Not only did Pete Sampras discover that he looks JUST like me, but I discovered the art of carrying a feeble Doubles partner to the trophy altar.  Who did I play doubles with you ask?  Definitely your 14-0 partner Jackson Kocak right?  That guy accents you perfectly, with his galloping backhand and your tidal wave forehand, the tournament would be a breeze.  That's what I said, but Gillery isn't the only proud one who can hold a grudge, I did not ask Jackson since he was sufficiently hung over for our sectionals doubles match last year, costing us the State Title and my chance to FINALLY get noticed by the cheerleaders!!!  Anyways, I went where no man has ever went before, into my ICE contacts, and called my nemesis Kyle Whipple.  After about 24 calls, 14 emails, 10 letters and 3 personal visits, I got a hold of Kyle.  He obliged, and the rest is history.  He even played stellar tennis with and without a goatie... He shaved mid tournament for reasons unknown.  How did I play?  Well despite missing 4 of my favorite teeth for a majority of the tournament, and being on a diet that consisted of 200 calories a day, I was my usual grip it and rip it self.  

I don't want you to think that Gillery forced my hand to write this blog, I did it for you, the reader, because as you know, I do not negotiate with terrorism, and Gillery is a terrorist, always has been.  Despite me being significantly more middle eastern than Gill, he has always been much more of a terrorist than me.  Don't believe me? He totaled his car in an unsuccessful kamakazi mission.  The guy is wild.  Anyways hopefully this blog is sufficient, and Gill and I can get back to what we do best, make folk musiq and cheer on our sorry Mariners.  Goodnight and Goodluck.

Relapse

Hello there, this is Gillery and this is the first time we've seen eachother in months. I don't really owe you an apology but I will apologize for Jimmy being  a big punk lately. The reason for us not making any noise in a while is I vowed to not blog until James Marshall wrote one. His commitment, or lack there of, has made me sick. So while I had all but quit the blog game, something triggered the itch.  Luckily for all of you, I'm having a relapse.

The last time I blogged all over you people I was about to go to visit my bad ass brother Brian in Africa. After visiting Cameroon for 2 weeks, I can honestly say Africa is the second best continent that these eyes have ever seen. Before I went there i was very nervous of what we'd be eating and you'll never believe me but I ate a ton of steak. A lot of peole want to know the best part of Africa was- not only could I order beer at places, they give you a huge bottle of beer. They were almost as big as a 40, it was unreal. Another pleasant suprise about Cameroon was JP Losman is huge there, they love JP and I have no idea why.

If you'd like to know why you aren't getting blog in your eye on Tuesday nights specifically is James Marshall, yours truly, and some close friends are amidst our inaugural PSAS Esquires softball season. We aren't the best team in the league but we by far have the coolest hats.Official New Era fitteds we are looking fresh! And although I've watched Ken Griffey Jr.'s swing around 20 million times, I still am unable to replicate it and it shows in these games. I'd say 90 % of the time I hit in the shortstops area, but thanks to my Freakazoid-like speed and aggressiveness I beat out my share of throws. On offense is not where I make my reputation, I am a stud at second base I snatch up groundballs like I'm playing Hungry Hungry Hippos (Quick side story on Hungry Hungry Hippos. When I was a little Gill, me my siblings and cousins would play it at our grandparents. Our Uncle Dave would play a few games with us and try as hard as he possibly could, curse, carry on drinking, and he even cheated. Uncle Dave is a role model.) Alas the Esquires season is winding down and we fell out of playoff contention, even another gold glove for my defensive prowess doesn't make me feel much better about sitting at home and watching the town of Tonawanda mens softball playoffs.

Let me get back to why I hate Jimmy Abbott. It all started when he ditched me to go downtown on a Thursday night in March. We were supposed to hang out (no homo) for the Syracuse UConn Big East tournament game. I received a text from James apx. 40 minutes before the game that said "I dont think im gonna make it" I wasn't to concerned or upset at the time. I watched the game lonely by myself which may of ended up being for the best. The reason for that is it ended up being the greatest basketball game ever played, I'm not even kidding. There was 6 overtimes and you wanna know what Jimmy was doing? Hitting up downtown B-Lo in his pea-coat, keepin it real at club Pure and the like. I guess thats more important then friendship. Other then being a terrible friend, his party boy ways have clearly gotten in the way of the most serious, important part of his life- this blog. After sitting around for months doing nothing about it, I finally have to set a ultimatum for James Marshall Abbott. Either he write a blog by Friday the 13th (ch-ch, ha-ha) or I'm not driving him to Cleveland on Saturday the 14th. We're going to see the Mariners and if Jimmy doesn't come through, he won't be seeing Ronny Cedeno, who happens to be a clone of Jimmy.

If you read all of this I thank you, it was nice to be back. I'll see all of you on Saturday July 14th at 12:01 to see if James Marshall is offically dead to me, or if he's punched his ticket to Cleveland, Ohio.