The first thing thats unusual about Mike is his sleeping pattern. He doesn't go to sleep until like 4 a.m. I don't know when this started but I really wish he wouldn't blast his favorite music video that late. But he is a dilligent student(nerd) and always makes his 9 o'clock class. When his classes are over he'll roll up to the dorm toss in a few toaster stroudles and patroles facebook for a potential wife
After these activities he takes a nap from about noon until 6:30 in the evening. You'll note that those are hours most normal people are awake doing things, you will then note that Maritato is a doucher. You may be wondering what I do when he's asleep due to his owl-like sleeping pattern, and you already know.
Mike is known for being well dressed, most people see Mike out on the town lookin fresh in a Polo T, a nice pair of blue jeans and crisp Yankees fitted (we'll get into this loving of the Yanks later) and he caps it off in cold weather with a red North Face(doucher in a North Face how shocking..) let me break down his for real style for you because you don't see him as much as I do, The stylish Mike Maritato really never wears jeans, he mostly goes with a pair of sweatpants a track jacket and a Yankees fitted. Is Mike really all that stylish? You be the judge.
As I mentioned above Mike is a Yankees fan, most Yankees fans are huge a-holes much like Mike. It's gonna be funny when they still finish in 3rd in the AL East even though they spent $161 mill over 7 years for 1 pitcher (CC Sabathia) despite our country not having money or something. Mikey has the biggest man crush on Derek Jeter, who is also a huge d-bag. Mike loves Derek Jeter so much that I get legitimately uncomfortable when Jeters up to bat. Mike and the Yankees are such huge clowns that Mike has the following Yankee hats- the regular navy blue, royal blue, baby blue, orange, green, red, and a All-Star game hat, and I'm informed he has a black one at home. The only person with more Yankees hats is Turtle from Entourage.
Another reason Michael is a doucher is his TV viewing. He LOVES all the VH1 shows. Right now he's enthralled with "I Love Money 2" which is only tolerable because one of the dudes on the show reminds me of Erick Scott. Mike is loving "For the Love of Ray J" where hot girls are competing to date Ray J whom, you guessed it, is a doucher. Mike can't get enough of "Rock of Love" which is basically the same thing as For the Love of Ray J except for white trash. Girls that were former strippers and what not are competing for Bret Michaels. Bret was the singer for the band Poison. Let's put it this way Paul Boal likes Poison. Paul Boal and Bret Michaels are such big douche bags that I'm getting sick just thinking about them, and Maritato loves both of those guys.
What is most disappointing about Mike is he started off so promising. I met him when I was 8 years old playing for our legendary St.Pauls baseball team. One game I struck out and ended the game, being the young pussy that I was I started crying. The first person to console me was Mike Maritato. We played basketball together in high school and he was no longer a good teammate. He was usually mooning people when Coach Jim Badgley aka a modern John Wooden was trying to make a point. I think this quote from back court mate Mike Licata speaks volumes- "Mike Maritato was the biggest douche I ever played with" the trials and tribulations of life turned Maritatos heart, once made of gold, into pure douche. For the good of his dad Tony, mom Colleen, brother Danny (who is more handsome then Mike and a class act... line up ladies!) and sister Kara and the millions of Dead F'in Prez fans, I will try to fix Mike.
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