Wake Forest

I hate wake forest.  I hate them with all my heart.  I hate them more than I hate Matt Ryan, piano lessons and undercooked chicken fingers.  I can't put into words how much I hate jeff teague, Al forouq-aminu, and jeff johnson.  Those guys are total assholes.  Who loses to Cleveland st.  Especially when they play the exact same game as you.  They push the tempo and are guard orientated, so why did they beat a superior ACC opponent.  I'll tell you why, because I am never supposed to succeed in anything I do.  Don't believe me, lets take a look.

1.)  I was supposed to be a stellar math student in 6th grade.  They kept me in the advanced math program and insisted that I was a Will Hunting clone.  Now besides the good looks and handsome friend (Gillery and Ben Afleck are quite similar) we have zero similarities.  I did my share of calculus problems throughout the years, and each year i progressively decreased.  It ended up with me scoring a 1 on the AP calculus exam my senior year.  It was the most embarrassing moment of my career barring the time when I had a mushroom cut as a 19 year old.

2.)  I was Pete Sampras junior, all the way from the early signs of balding to the backhand dripping with top spin.  What happened?!!! I'll tell you what happened, it all happened too fast.  Had I had time to develop I would be this century's versions of Chris Brown (In famousness not tennis ability).  Great complexion, Handsome smile, and a penchant to beat the shit out of attractive, famous, females.  In my case, Ashanti instead of Rihanna.  Now I quit tennis because tennis was totally gay.  I realize now that tennis was not gay, but instead a fun sport and an effective way to embarrass Whipple in front of his piers.  Now I know what you're thinking, "Jim, you still bury Kyle everytime you play him, whats the difference?"  The answer is I could bury him so bad that he would never want to play tennis, ping pong, racquetball, squash or badminton ever again.  

3.)  I developed my scatting ability when it was too late.  Now as you all know, I can hold my own with all of the Blue's finest, Charlie "Yardbird" Parker, Louie "Satchmo" Armstrong, and Kyle "To the Cup" Lowry.  The problem is no one wants a 19 year old blue's singer to sing their wedding or bar mitzvah.  They either want a fresh faced 12 year old, or an old and wily 44 year.  As of right now, I am neither.  Thus i will never be able to cash in on my talent the way my predecessors have.

Last but not least, I picked Wake Forest to win the Midwest region and advance to the finals in my bracket.  I know I harped on this before, but it still blows my mind how gay that is.  Why did they have to get blown out by some gutter Cleveland st. du-du heads.  Its so stupid dumb that I don't even think Soulja Boi could make a dance/song about how stupid dumb it is, which is mind-blowing.  I was so mad that I contemplated throwing my cell phone at a cinder block wall multiple times while the Cleveland St. lead was expanding.  Ultimately I suppose I'm glad that I didn't break my cell phone, but if I was to break I wouldn't have been upset with myself.  I would have been upset with Jeff Teague.  He is a total asshole.  I've never cheered for a bigger ass-hole in my life, and I've been a mariner fan for 15 some odd years.  That includes cheering for A-rod, the definition of ass-hole.  I'm sorry Jeff Teague, I'm sure you'll have a splendid NBA career, but I will forever remember you as an asshole who cost me two brackets in 2009.  I will never forgive you, unless of course you are Michael Vick's friend, because as you well know, any friend of Michael Vick is a friend of mine.