Anyway back to business, I'm sure you already read the title of this post "Cali Boiz" well the Cali Boiz are not a surf group, not a group of thugs from Orange County, and they are not a pop-punk band. Well then, just who are these Cali Boiz?!?! they are Butch Mang and Casey Flatau (FLAY-TOE) I'm sure those 2 being referred to as Cali Boiz is baffling, seeing as Butch has Kenmore written all over him (and thats a good thing dammit) As for Casey your probably thinking well he seems like he would like California but hes still your average KenTon scumbag. Well believe it or not Casey and Butch went to California sometime this winter, I dont remember when and I don't really care either. Of Casey's trillions of plans that have fallen through, such as going on a cruise, buying a skateboard, moving in with Losi and Antholzner, and being an X-ray technician I certainly did not see his Cali trip happening, but for the 6th time in my life I was wrong. There were a few reasons they ended up going and I'll share them with you.
1- Mrs. Flatau called Mrs. Mang. The trip would never of happened if this MILF-tastic phone conversation didn't take place. Lets keep in mind these guys were 18 or 19 year old ish and needed their mommys to plan stuff for them.
2-Rob Sozanski. Say what you want about Robert Nestor Sozanski but he is a terrific host. if he wasn't attending Occidental College which is in Cali, I'm quite sure they would not of went and stayed in a hotel or something like that. Not only did Rob put these boys up but he no doubt showed them a good time.
3- California Bill- AB 390
So now that you have your backdrop, let me explain why the Cali Boiz suck. I'm sure you all remember that Butch was already apart of a unstoppable duo with yours truly. While me and Butch are still a force there is no doubt are relationship is strained. We used to go to the mall and try on $350 Polo Ralph Lauren sport coats, throw christmas lights in the street, and maybe sneak a Red Dog or 12 from Mayor Mang. Now I don't even know the last time he was in my basement, where he used to live. Butch drinks apx. 3 liters of Moutain Dew per day. Now if it was baja blast I'd be cool with it, but its just regular old Mtn. Dew. In fact he loves it so much he uses this vehicle to get around
The other half of the Cali Boiz is where things go drastically wrong. I always knew there was something wrong with Casey Flatau from the day I met him. Even with this knowledge I still befriended him, I figured he was doing crazy things that even Steve-O could appreciate, such as beating up an unexpecting kid 3 years younger then him, drinking muddy water that was about 8 inches away from where a kid just threw up, and of course hurling garbage cans down the stairways at school. But that was the fun Casey, now a days Cali Case has a fauxhawk and not the good kind i alluded to in a previous post. He claims that happens naturally when he hops outta the shower but I've personally seen Casey blow dry his hair so I'm not so sure I believe this. Casey dabbled with a bandana last summer, I was sad to report to him that despite Juelz Santana's best efforts, the bandana died with 2pac. Another thing about my friend Casey is he can't stand wearing shoes. I don't know if this is backlash to our culture or a protest against child labor but the other day it was like 279 degrees Kelvin (apx 35 fahrenheit) and Casey had sandals with no socks on. Once again Casey made no sense. I have given Case many opportunities to prove he's not a bigger doucher then Maritato but when he was jamming to the worst song ever I completely gave up. At least Butch and Maritato have a good taste in music
If you see the Cali Boiz walking down the street make sure you throw your garbage at them or at least swear at them. And if you see them stopped at a red light make sure to rev your engine and bump the bass in your car even if you drive a terrible car with barely any speakers because Casey and Butch are both gnarly dudes after all so they'll see this as a challenge, its actually pretty funny.
Enough of the Cali Boiz, me and my colleague James Marshall Abbott want to let you the reader in on a little Facebook prank that we stole from Mark "the Shark" Titus. It's pretty simple were copying whatever Damour Bailey's facebook status is and waiting until he notices. So nobody tell him, and don't worry Damour assured me he would never read this blog via text message because I "dont know shit about shit LOL" Maybe so Damour, but the jokes on you.
Life of the party, always has a good joke,
Gillery
If you see the Cali Boiz walking down the street make sure you throw your garbage at them or at least swear at them. And if you see them stopped at a red light make sure to rev your engine and bump the bass in your car even if you drive a terrible car with barely any speakers because Casey and Butch are both gnarly dudes after all so they'll see this as a challenge, its actually pretty funny.
Enough of the Cali Boiz, me and my colleague James Marshall Abbott want to let you the reader in on a little Facebook prank that we stole from Mark "the Shark" Titus. It's pretty simple were copying whatever Damour Bailey's facebook status is and waiting until he notices. So nobody tell him, and don't worry Damour assured me he would never read this blog via text message because I "dont know shit about shit LOL" Maybe so Damour, but the jokes on you.
Life of the party, always has a good joke,
Gillery
on the no doubt front, they are coming to darien lake this summer! whos pumped!
ReplyDeleteIn your "list of reasons why..." you forgot to mention California's passage of a Gay Marriage Bill. Of course, the people voted against Prop 1, but perhaps Butch Mang and the Big Case Kid didn't hear about the reversal. You'll always have my support, fellas.
ReplyDelete