Why you should sleep in a Gazebo

Before you die, there are many places where you should sleep; a bed, Cammaratta's house, Sozanski's basement, the Grand Canyon, a Ramada, the list is endless.  There is one place in particular that I urge you to try out, and that place is a Gazebo.  It does not particularly matter which gazebo, as long as it amish built, sturdy (which of course it will be if it is amish built) and outdoors.  Before you reject this idea as some foolish thought, let me tell you a brief story.

Years ago, two brave men, named James Abbott and Patrick Fisher went gazebo hunting for the first time.  We ventured out into the wild, and set foot on a public gazebo by some Public school, the name escapes me, and I would tell you where it resides but as you all know I am awful with directions.  We took in the natural beauty that the outdoors and gazebo had to offer.  Before we knew it, it was 4 am, and we had spent 5 hours just marveling at the world's most rustic feat of civil engineering.  Due to our success at finding the gazebo, and claiming it for our own enjoyment, we dubbed ourselves "The Gazebo Hunters."  Within a matter of months, the founders (Patrick and myself) realized that we had an absolute stud in our gazebo hunting farm system, and it was time to call him up.  As you all know, that stud was Ryan Browne.  Ryan is the most physically gifted hunter I have ever hunted with, there is no gazebo out of range for this long legged hunter.  Like most youngsters though, the physical tools are usually more developed than the mental tools, evident by the bum hunch he played one night by suggesting we check the Boulevard Mall parking for huntable gazebos (The mall, well aware of our penchant for hunting, moves the gazebos to an unknown location at night).  Anyways, the gang of gazebo hunters gradually grew larger and larger as it turns out Kenmore is a hotbed for some of the nation's finest young hunters.

One brisk summer night, an idea struck the hunters, as we realized, what could be more beautiful and peaceful than spending a night in a gazebo?  The answer of course was a resounding NOTHING.  So, we gathered the troops but something terrible happened, the normally unabashed gazebo hunters got timid.  Fisher, a founder for pete's sake, refused to partake in the activity for fear of being considered a hobo!  Fisher's hatred for hobos is well advertised, but this was no excuse.  Robby, in typical sand baggin' fashion, was super stoked about the idea, and then as crunch time came, backed down.  Corben and Murphy feared of adding more to their records, which at the time consisted of not only dog fighting, loitering, but also a suspect breaking and entering crime which was total horseshit.  For some reason the Real Whales didn't know about it, Danimal was only a freshman at the time so there was no way he could handle it, Dray was M.I.A., Jared was presumably studying or playing catch with Johnny so he was off limits, and Whipple, despite living on Gazebo heaven, is not a real person so he of course could not partake in it.  That left Brownie, TK, and myself.

After a nice escort to the gazebo from Corben, we set up camp.  TK was bickering like a little school girl because he was nervous about getting in trouble, and for some reason he still felt that the idea was stupid.  We ensured that TK that he would not get in trouble (He got in a lot of trouble) and everything was alright.  The floor of the Gazebo felt like a Tempur-pedic mattress, and the high ceiling made us feel like we were in heaven.  Around 2am, we fell asleep, and around 6 am we rose again.  Never in my life had I felt more refreshed.  I could have ran a marathon and wrestled Jarrett Whipple the night before and I still would have felt energized, that's how good the night's sleep was.  What I'm trying to say is this, sleep in a Gazebo the night before the biggest event of your life.  Always.  It is the only way to ensure a sound nights sleep, and a grand old time.

We awoke when a lady let her dog out in the morning, and Brownie and her exchanged looks.  She was no doubt confused about why 3 kids would sleep in a school's gazebo, but she no doubt looked dumb for not inviting us in for breakfast.  She could have had 3 of the finest hunters in WNY in her house, signing autographs and giving pep talks to her kids, but she elected not too.  We proceeding to bike back to my house, where we would eat some waffles and drink some orange juice.  TK got yelled at by his mom for not telling her where he was all night.  For such an established hunter, he sure makes some amateur mistakes.  Me and Brownie on the otherhand, we of course attended the celebratory parade, and poured champagne on white bitches' heads.